numb
that's the feeling i get when i receive my results. if i do well, i dont feel happy. if i do badly, i dont feel sad. i just feel nothing.
i guess it's the result of overstimulation of that kind of feeling at some point of my schooling career.
i must say that i am improving. not in all subjects, but most exceptional of those with the word 'accounting' in them.
which is totally besides the point of why im studying accountancy.
but i am happy to be in NTU because there are many others who cant even get into a university. so im happy.
posted by: kelly @ 11:39 am
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xmas at wild empire
my choir concerts ended last night. here are some photos.
can you spot me?
me and naughtyboy
my grandparents. they came too! my mum said they were only interested in seeing me the whole time and complained they cldnt see me cos i was standing behind.
i told my grandma to smile :)
me and my auntie (mum's youngest sister)
naughtyboy and my bro (chenghui looking at smth on the ceiling apparently)
my dad and sis
sis, mum and auntie
there are more photos taken with emily's camera. i'll upload them soon.
i would like to thank those who came to watch my choir concerts. for us choristers, having ppl who acknowledge wat we love doing is the best feeling ever. thank you all alot!
i am really touched that ppl, who arent even interested in choral singing or have any idea what it is about, come and watch us sing. even though some end up sleeping or laughing at the way we sing, at least you attended our concert.
my grandpa was sick but he still came. and my grandparents did not even fall asleep! they were too busy counting the number of songs we sang and popping up their heads to look at me. haha. so cute!
wat would i do without my ever supportive family (including my 'encore shouting' brother), my naughtyboy and friends, who have attended all my choir concerts.
thank you all and merry christmas!
posted by: kelly @ 2:58 pm
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fastest finger first
i registered my modules today. just like last semester, i managed to register all my modules. however, unlike last semester, i have only about 1 or 2 friends with the same timetable as me but that's ok.
nevertheless, it's the 3day week that i want. i just hope that i wont wither under the stress of 6 hours of lessons straight on mon and tues.
naughtyboy is having tests this week. i dont know when i'll get to see him again.
love u! *kiss kiss
posted by: kelly @ 4:31 pm
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warm, fuzzy christmas
it's nice when someone not close to me actually bothered to reply the publicity email i sent out. "i treasure friends", he said. haha.
i started my temporary job today. i helped with check-in for the rhapsody of the seas cruise. it was tiring but really fun!
*click click scan scan "passport, credit card and forms please"while i stood there doing check-ins for about 6hrs plus plus, stef was running around helping everyone cos she was the runner. haha. poor thing.
posted by: kelly @ 10:37 pm
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and i love u too
last night was the first in many nights that i stayed up to read a book, Empress Orchid by Anchee Min. after i put down the phone with naughtyboy, i intended to sleep. but i continued reading my book until 4am.
it was a sense of accomplishment that i felt. plus, the story was too exciting for me to stop.
alrighty, i gotta get ready for my job training later.
i have a bad sore throat. please go away before tmr. i need to sing
posted by: kelly @ 2:21 pm
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hello maid
i just came back from sam's place.
i was supposed to feel a sense of homelyness and comfort or whatever shit when i got back. instead, i got, the i hate coming home feeling.
i came home to a messy dining table with empty plastic bags left on it frm a shopping trip to 7 eleven. not done by me of cos, the mess and the plastic bags. i was at sam's place.
i came home to a sink full of dirty cups and whatever else. not put there by me of cos. i was at sam's place.
i came home to a washing machine full of clothes to be hung. waiting for me to hang them, i mean.
i came home to a basket load of laundry to be done. waiting for me again.
i came home to the same old mountain of clothes to be folded and shoved into the drawers. again.
i came home to a mess my dad made in his room and i hope he clears it by tonight. if not, i have to do it tomorrow.
can you see why i hated coming home today?
it's not that i expect anyone else to do all these. it has become the unspoken rule that i, out of all the people in the house, should do all of it. so what more can i expect right.
i have become so used to it, i dont even ask anyone to do it. i just do it. then i sink into depression and cry to myself.
do you think i have this self pity thing going on? well dont even start thinking that unless you are fucking going through what i am now.
i am a student.
i travel to school almost everyday.
i do not have a school cca but i join an external adult choir.
i have exams.
my grades are shitty.
and while i am studying for my exams, with hope of doing better,
i cry over the stress of getting good grades and THIS shit.
can you imagine that i cry over THIS shit?
how pathetic am i?
sometimes i wonder how im gonna survive when my mum stays 3weeks in indonesia every mth. maybe i will, maybe i wont. wish me luck.
on a happy note, sam bought me Hellgate London!! YAYS! im gonna be sucked into this game and find happiness in this depressed mind of mine.
posted by: kelly @ 11:50 pm
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You don't know this yet, but life isn’t supposed to be like this. It's not supposed to be this hard.--Meredith Grey
posted by: kelly @ 5:38 pm
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