Wednesday, December 05, 2007
hello maid
i just came back from sam's place.
i was supposed to feel a sense of homelyness and comfort or whatever shit when i got back. instead, i got, the i hate coming home feeling.
i came home to a messy dining table with empty plastic bags left on it frm a shopping trip to 7 eleven. not done by me of cos, the mess and the plastic bags. i was at sam's place.
i came home to a sink full of dirty cups and whatever else. not put there by me of cos. i was at sam's place.
i came home to a washing machine full of clothes to be hung. waiting for me to hang them, i mean.
i came home to a basket load of laundry to be done. waiting for me again.
i came home to the same old mountain of clothes to be folded and shoved into the drawers. again.
i came home to a mess my dad made in his room and i hope he clears it by tonight. if not, i have to do it tomorrow.
can you see why i hated coming home today?
it's not that i expect anyone else to do all these. it has become the unspoken rule that i, out of all the people in the house, should do all of it. so what more can i expect right.
i have become so used to it, i dont even ask anyone to do it. i just do it. then i sink into depression and cry to myself.
do you think i have this self pity thing going on? well dont even start thinking that unless you are fucking going through what i am now.
i am a student.
i travel to school almost everyday.
i do not have a school cca but i join an external adult choir.
i have exams.
my grades are shitty.
and while i am studying for my exams, with hope of doing better,
i cry over the stress of getting good grades and THIS shit.
can you imagine that i cry over THIS shit?
how pathetic am i?
sometimes i wonder how im gonna survive when my mum stays 3weeks in indonesia every mth. maybe i will, maybe i wont. wish me luck.
on a happy note, sam bought me Hellgate London!! YAYS! im gonna be sucked into this game and find happiness in this depressed mind of mine.
posted by: kelly @ 11:50 pm
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